The Blog Of Unnecessary Randomness

i have just one thing to say...

2010-06-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

PODSIADLY!!!!

YAY!

2010-06-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

Thank fuck exams are over. Now I can just relax and take a breather. Now I'll panic about the end of year exams. FML

Did you know....

2007-11-04T00:35:00.000-07:00

Hey guys I bet you don't know who Big Brother really is...

AKMAL SALEH!!!

Yes BB is actually a little black man...

It's amazing really...isn't it?

For Jelly's Sake...

2007-11-04T00:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah...you know how I was downloading the msn for mums friend?

Mmmm...

It didnt work!!!!

FOR JELLY'S SAKE YOU'D THINK I'D KNOW BETTER THAN TO WASTE MY TIME DOWNLOADING IT FOR SOMEONE ELSE...

screw it

Wanna know what pisses me off?

2007-10-25T04:02:00.001-07:00

Downloading Windows Live Messenger....
It takes so fucking long...

I had to download it for one of mums friends...

God!!!!

If @ first you don't succeed...

2007-10-24T19:29:00.000-07:00

Then skydiving is not for you...

Please Note:

2007-10-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

My reality check just bounced...

Is There A Santa Claus?

2007-10-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal, SPY magazine (January, 1990) --- I am pleased to present a scientific inquiry into the existence of Santa Claus.
No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).
This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to:
park,
hop out of the sleigh,
jump down the chimney,
fill the stockings,
distribute the remaining presents under the tree,
eat whatever snacks have been left,
get back up the chimney,
get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.
On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.
We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere.
The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.
The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.
Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.09 times greater than gravity.
A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the backof his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Why did the Chicken cross the road...?

2007-10-24T17:31:00.000-07:00

Give me ten minutes with the Chicken & I will find out...

50 Things To Do When You Are In An Elevator

2007-10-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

Sell Girl Scout cookies.

On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

Shave.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

Censored by your son.

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

Do Tai Chi exercises.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

Give religious tracts to each passenger.

Meow occassionally.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.

Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!

Leave a box between the doors.

Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

Start a sing-along.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

Play the harmonica.

Shadow box.

Say Ding! at each floor.

Lean against the button panel.

Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

Bring a chair along.

Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?

Blow spit bubbles.

Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

Where would I be without my Blackberry...?

2007-10-24T17:16:00.001-07:00

Right here where I am now because I don't even own one...

So You Think You Can Dance...?

2007-10-24T17:14:00.000-07:00

If I was to go on that show I think I would dance naked...